


those that scared hands hold;

by clxude



Series: gay drinking [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate universe - Mafia, Birthday, Established Relationship, Kinda?, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary yurio, Past Violence, Russian Mafia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 04:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9803117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clxude/pseuds/clxude
Summary: Yuri knows they aren't the one to blame.That doesn't mean they won't blame theirself, though.





	

**Author's Note:**

> kinda mentioned a thing about beka having scared hands in the first chapter of the thing about drowning, so here's your explanation  
> self edited, sorry for any mistakes
> 
> BYR: yurio, as stated _in the tags_ is nonbinary. this is a gender identity meaning they do not fall on either end of the gender binary, e.i. the male/female dichotomy. while this gender identity is featured in many, if not all, of the works in the gay drinking 'verse, this fic, in particular, has received several comments asking why yurio uses 'third person pronouns.'   
>  first of all, it has been stated in the tags every time. not reading the tags is your own fault. second of all, i am always happy to educate people on LGBT identities, especially one i identify as. however, google is also there. commenting that using they/them "makes the fic hard to read and detracts from the overall quality" helps no one. also, saying it "doesn't add to the plot" is extremely closed-minded. I think the lack of representation in mainstream media detracts from my overall wellbeing and quality of life. i think your lack of queer characters besides the "hot white gay boy" hurts the LGBT movement.   
> if you are considering commenting something along the lines of "I'm cis and can't be bothered to educate myself," please refrain from every reading another one of my works, whether a gender queer character is present or not.

It’s their nineteenth birthday, and their hands shake as they blow out the candles on the massive vanilla cake before them. Cooling wax runs down the candles, solidifying before it hits the cake. A flash of light and the click of a shutter - they look up to glare at Victor, who’s smiling at them from behind his camera.

 

“Happy birthday, Yura,” he says, smiling, hands still wrapped around the cheap disposable camera, index finger primed above the button. “How does it feel to finally be an adult?”

 

“The same,” they growl out, doing their best to not choke over the words. And it’s true, because Otabek won’t touch them anymore, will rarely be within three feet of them - close enough to do the job, far enough to tell Yuri that’s he’s not interested.

 

They can still hear the song echoing in their head -  _ happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Yura  _ \- and the room feels too cramped, burning as hot as a furnace.  The cake is cut, and Yuri takes the first bite. They know it must taste good, judging from the cooing sounds Victor is letting out, but they feel too distant, too lost in space, to taste the dessert beyond the grainy texture.

 

Once they open all of the presents - a handgun from Yakov and Lilia, a test bottle of Victor’s shitty vodka - and a final few photos are taken, they head back to their room. Otabek doesn’t say a word, just falls into line behind him. It’s the first time in a month he’s done so, and it should make Yuri happy, to no longer have Mila trailing after him and talking shit, but there’s a wall between them, now. Yuri doesn’t think they can get around it.

 

“You don’t have to come,” they say once they reach their bedroom door. Their hands are clenched by their sides, hair masking their face. “I doubt anyone will try to kill me here.”

 

“It’s my job, Yura.”

 

“I said you don’t have to come,” they snap. “So, don’t come. Just because you're my bodyguard doesn’t mean you have to do something you don’t want to.” 

 

Otabek winces. “You know that’s not what I meant, Yura - “

 

“It doesn’t matter what you meant. I’ve seen your hand, I know what they fucking did to you, Beka - “

 

“It doesn’t matter. What I did was out of line,” he says, a hand coming to rest on the small of Yuri’s back. 

 

“It does, though,” they say. They blink back tears, because  _ no,  _ they’re not crying over something as pointless as a boy. “It’s my fault they did that to you. I shouldn’t have - ”

 

“Yura - “

 

“Yakov made Georgi break your fucking hand, Beka, because he saw me kiss you,” they say, finally looking up. Otabek’s face is pained, jaw tense. “So don’t tell me it’s not my fault.”

 

“I don’t regret it, though. I would do it again, if you let me.”

 

“Shut up!” They jerk away from Otabek, eyes wild. “Don’t say that to me. They hurt you because of me. I don’t - I don’t want that to happen again.”

 

“I love you, Yura.”

 

And Yuri knows they’ll regret it, and they know it can’t end well for either of them, but they still let Otabek pull them closer as a weight builds in their throat. Otabek’s hands come to rest against their face, fingers curving along their jaw.

 

“Are you okay with this?”

 

Yuri nods, not trusting theirself to speak.

 

“Then say it.”

 

“I - I love you, Beka.” They swallow, and - “I don’t care what Yakov and Lilia say. I trust you.”

 

Otabek kisses them, soft and slow, hands still cupping their chin. Yuri leans into it, lets it consume them. Eventually, they reach behind Otabek to twist open the door handle and pushes the bodyguard into the room.

 

“Don’t leave me,” they whisper.

 

“Never.”

 

…

 

It’s dark, with the faintest sliver of moonlight peeking through the blinds. Yuri leans against the headboard, and Beka is draped across their thighs, arms wrapped around their torso.

 

“I’m sorry,” they say, fingers tracing over the scars that cover Beka’s back. 

 

There’s a pit mark on his shoulder from when they were sixteen, drunk off their ass in the back of a sketchy bar. Scratched down his spine, gouges on his knuckles from boxing. Few of them are their fault, really, but it’s their fault Beka hand is still in a cast, fingers purpling.

 

“Go to sleep,” Otabek mumbles, lips brushing against Yuri’s hip. “Victor will wonder why you’re tired in the morning.”

  
“I will,” they say, fingers stilling. “I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! next chapter of ttad should be out soon  
> more info about this au can be found at violet-boy.tumblr.com/tagged/gay-drinking and claude-lit.tumblr.com/tagged/gay-drinking
> 
> tumblr - violet-boy, mother-iwa-chan, and claude-lit  
> twitter - cactixix
> 
> EDIT: forgot to mention, but I didn't intend to write yakov and Lilia as homophobic. Yura is their baby, and they would never want anyone to hurt them. They deserve the best after all, and their bodyguard will never be that


End file.
